At the Women’s Wisdom Healing Circle that I facilitate every Sunday on InTheRooms.com (please come join us at Noon EST), we like to get deep with our topics. This past Sunday I chose to open up with a brief personal experience of going from shockingly low self-esteem, barely being able to keep a roof over mine and my children’s heads and being so depressed I could barely wash myself most days, to where I am now….
But what does that even mean?
Is it just another guru-esk phrase to bamboozle our brains?
Or is there something to this that none of us can afford to ignore?
In my experience, the latter is true. I could not and cannot afford to ignore this concept. By doing so, I am, in essence, ignoring everything that I authentically am. I have searched and searched for the answer to happiness and fulfilment. I’ve now discovered I’ve had the answer all along.
If this sounds too love and light for you, here is the layman’s way of saying the same thing.
Living fully, in my estimation, is getting so brave that you scare the hell out of yourself most days of the week. You do this by stepping outside your comfort zone, out of that strategically placed box that has been created for you, and living life with you at the helm.
And I know you know what I mean. I know that as you read this, you recognize the discomfort rising in you because you have that internal voice too. You’re clean and sober. You’ve quit overeating, you’ve got your sex addiction, smoking, spending all under control….
….but that gnawing, gut churning, irritating feeling won’t go away. It can be hellish at times. Repetitive thoughts that seemingly come from nowhere and give you a burn in your soul, haunt you.
What the hell is it?
Well, that would be your calling my dear. Your life purpose; the reason you were put on the planet, begging and demanding to be heard after years of being drowned out with whatever substance or behaviour you’ve been obsessed with. Now, at last, there’s room for it to make itself known to you.
And it’s impatient and loud and pissed off with being tossed aside. Now your fearful, limiting thoughts and your deep inner knowing that you have important life’s work to do, are in hand to hand combat. As one woman put it at the Womens Wisdom Healing Circle….”I have two versions of myself living inside me.”
Can’t we all relate to that? The mental push and pull we deal with every day between what we feel obligated to and what our true life’s purpose is.
The question is….which version of yourself will you pick?
Well let’s look at the options here.
Your first option is, a life lived mediocrely. You will be somewhat happy. You may have a great job, a great family, and life looks good on the outside. But there’s that something missing. A burning, a creativity, a dormant part of yourself that you know is there but you haven’t met yet.
Your other option is to live fully. To choose a path that isn’t always easy. Where you decide to take action, and scare the crap out of yourself on a daily or weekly basis, until that fear becomes joy. On deeper investigation, I discovered that fear and joy are one and the same thing….it just depends on your perspective.
Living fully takes sacrifice at first.
You may need to survive on less money and work less hours so you can dedicate time to your passion. It may mean working long hours at your job and then staying up later to pursue that dream. It may simply be buying that material to make that dress, or sing that song, or paint that picture. It could be to write a novel.
Or it just may be being brave enough to say hi to that girl you’ve always wanted to talk to, or sit in a café by yourself despite feeling socially awkward.
Bravery is living fully. To ignite your heart and soul with feeling fear and doing it anyway becomes a lifestyle. It will take you to places inside yourself that you never knew existed. To practice bravery on a small scale will open you up like nothing else can. It will then snowball until you have no choice but to have a new and brilliant experience of life.
Is your inner dialogue going to continue to be “I’ve always wanted to do that but”….and you then list a million reasons why you can’t do that thing?
Or are you finally, after all your hard work and slog and turning your life around, going to allow yourself to live the life you’ve always dreamed of?
It’s your choice. It’s your life. I hope you live it fully!
Originally published on http://www.iloverecovery.com and featured in Recovery Today Magazine